Witty Wednesday

Cover Letter Quotations

• "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"
  
• "Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume."
  
• "I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a screeching halt."
  
• "Please disregard the attached resume -- it is terribly out of date."
  
• "It's best for employers that I not work with people."
  
• "Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed down some. If I am not one of the best, I will look for another opportunity."
  
• "If this resume doesn't blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope."
  
• "My fortune cookie said, 'Your next interview will result in a job' -- and I like your company in particular."
  
• "You hold in your hands the resume of a truly outstanding candidate!"
  
• "I am sicking and entry-level position."
  
• "Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."
  
• "I am a quick leaner, dependable, and motivated."
  
• "I am relatively intelligent, obedient, and as loyal as a puppy."
  
• "Note: Keep this resume on top of the stack. Use all the others to heat your house."
  
• "I don't usually blow my own horn, but in this case, I will go right ahead and do so."
  
• "I need just enough money to have pizza every night."
  
• "My compensation should be at least equal to my age."
  
• "I'm submitting my resume to spite my lack of C++ and HTML experience."
  
• "My primary goal is to be recognized."
  
• "Below are the top 10 reasons to hire me."
  
• "My salary requirement is $34 per year."
  
• "I'll need $30K to start, full medical, three weeks vacation, stock options and ideally a European sedan."
  
• "I am superior to anyone else you could hire."
  
• "I vow to fulfill the goals of the company as long as I live."
  
• "Although I am seeking an accounting job, the fact that I have no actual experience in accounting may seem discouraging. However..."
  
• "I realize that my total lack of appropriate experience may concern those considering me for employment."
  
• "I worked here full-time there."
  
• "I'll starve without a job but don't feel you have to give me one."
  
• "You are privileged to receive my resume."

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