Fun Fact Friday

99 Excuses for Missing Work

Everyone needs, or wants, to miss work at some point. But, if you don’t have a real excuse, you’re going to need to make up a good one. Below are some excuses you can use. Some are classic excuses, others are creative, and some are questionable. Pick your favorite and try it out on your boss.

1. When I got up this morning I accidentally took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can’t get off the john, but I feel good about it.
2. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.
3. I threw my back out bowling.
4. My stigmata’s acting up again.
5. I’ll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work.
6. I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the grocery store.
7. Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Dodgers, huh? So, I won’t be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I’ll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.
8. I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn’t come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.
9. My psychiatrist me a jaw restraint so I won’t bite things when I am startled.
10. The dog ate my car keys. We’re going to hitchhike to the vet.
11. I prefer to remain an enigma.
12. The EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.
13. I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.
14. I refuse to travel to my job until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.
15. I’ve earned a day off.
16. I’m Playing Golf with a Client.
17. I have a Doctor’s appointment.
18. I have a Dentist appointment.
19. I have cramps.
20. I’m working from home.
21. There’s been a death in the family.
22. I’m too sleepy from working all day yesterday.
23. I have a personal emergency.
24. My fish is sick and I need to take it to the vet.
25. My daughter got a round hair brush stuck in her hair and I need to help her get it out.
26. I have come down with Spring Fever.
27. I fell off a ladder fixing the roof on my house and I injured by back.
28. I was attacked and need to recover.
29. I was mugged and the thief took my car keys and driver’s license.
30. I have a migraine.
31. My eyes are watering for some reason causing blurry vision.
32. I’m in the hospital.
33. I’m still drunk from last night.
34. I need a mental recovery day.
35. Last night I had a party and I woke up with a strange man in my bed and he won’t leave.
36. My car caught on fire on the way to work.
37. My car ran out of gas on the way to work so I pushed it to a gas station, but I got a stomach hernia and I have to go to the doctor’s.
38. My cat got ran over and I need to take it to the vet.
39. My boyfriend hit me and I’m kind of messed up.
40. I was stepping out of my trailer and I missed the step and landed on the ground injuring my back.
41. My shrink put me on a new depressant yesterday and I’m feeling weird.
42. Had to be rushed to hospital for coffee burns on my lap.
43. The city is paving my street and I can’t get out of my neighborhood.
44. The hazmat crew is here and won’t let me out of the house.
45. My wife is too sick to get out of bed and I have to stay home to take care of her.
46. My waterbed busted and my room is flooded.
47. My daughter ran away, so I should stay home to see if she comes back.
48. I won’t be in today….I’m calling in dead.
49. My home is flooded and I’m currently standing on my dresser in my second story bedroom.
50. I do not feel up to par today.
51. I tried to dye my hair blonde, but it came out blue.
52. I spent my paycheck on lottery tickets, and I’m out of gas until payday.
53. I got the end of a Q-tip stuck in my ear and have to go to the doctor’s to get it out.
54. My horse overate and needs to be walked so he doesn’t lay down and die.
55. I have the flu.
56. A SWAT team closed off a part of a street after a disgruntled ex-employee shot several people.
57. My agoraphobia (fear of leaving the house) is kicking in and I am afraid to come in today.
58. The springs on my garage door broke and I can’t get my car out cause the door won’t open.
59. My spiritual guide said something bad will happen to me if I leave my house today.
60. My spiritual guide said there will be a fire at my work today so I’m staying home.
61. If I tell you why I can’t come in, I’d have to kill you.
62. You’re on a need to basis, but you don’t need to know.
63. You can’t handle the truth.
64. My dog is having puppies and I need to help her.
65. My cat is having kittens and I need to help her.
66. Someone smashed in my windows this morning with a large blunt object.
67. I sprained my wrist cooking breakfast in the microwave.
68. I slipped in the shower and injured my knee. I can’t walk on it at all.
69. I cut my self shaving and it hurts to walk.
70. I locked myself in the bathroom.
71. I locked my keys in my car.
72. I locked myself out of the house.
73. My dog died.
74. My street is flooded and I can’t drive out.
75. Someone dumped a truck-load of sand in front of my driveway and I can’t get out.
76. My cat was alarmed by my sleep-talking and jumped off the bed, knocked my alarm off the dresser, of which the batteries fell out; so I over slept.
77. I can’t find any clothes to wear.
78. My washing machine broke and I don’t have any clean clothes.
79. My water has been turned off.
80. I didn’t pay my electricity bill so I can’t see to get ready.
81. I am sick with the Lack. Lack of ambition.
82. Last night a friend I haven’t seen in a long time came over and gave me a bear hug and broke one of my ribs.
83. I was up all weekend with this new girl I met and I didn’t get any sleep…if you know what I mean.
84. My asthma is really bad.
85. I tried lifting my daughter out of her crib and twisted my back.
86. On my way to work today, my tooth cracked. I’ll be going to the dentist.
87. The fan belt broke on my van.
88. The brakes went out on my car.
89. My car has a flat tire.
90. The hot water tap in my shower broke.
91. I’m stuck in the bathroom without any toilet paper.
92. During the night the power must have gone off because when I woke up my alarm clock time was flashing.
93. My cat is lonely and stressed out and if I don’t spend quality time with him, he will keep peeing on the furniture.
94. My wife said she is going to conceive today, and I want to be there when it happens.
95. My chain came off my bicycle.
96. I came down with a bad case of something or other.
97. My cat hid my car keys because she gets lonesome when I’m gone.
98. I was taking a shower and I dropped the soap, as I reached down to pick it up, I slipped and fell causing me to bust my lip, twist my ankle, strain my back, stub my finger, and get soap in my eyes.
99. The babysitter didn’t show up today so I have to watch my kids.

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